Nothing prepared me for the taxis of Beirut.
I have shared my peeves about taxi rides from Hell before.  When I arrived at Lebanon's Beirut airport, my pre arranged transport did not show (I found out later that someone forgot to book it!). My cell phone did not work and I could not find a working pay phone in the airport. So I stupidly headed to the door of the airport hall following a sign which said "taxis". There appeared to be no order or logic to the line up of taxis of drivers outside. ie in most cities some sort of offical or unofficial taxi queue exists and a passenger knows which one to get into. This does not apply in the Indian cities I have been to and clearly not in Beirut. I said to one driver where I wanted to go and it was on for young and old. Drivers came from everywhere surrounding me: "Taxi, Taxi", "where you want to go". I gazed forlornly at a line of "official taxis" beyond the now teeming mass of "official" and "unofficial" taxi drivers. A bidding war had started for my wallet. "$50", "$45", "$40", "$35". "No sir don't go with him- he is not official airport driver". "Monsieur Monsieur, I am real official". One man showed me his very obviously home made "Official Airport Taxi Driver" badge.

Beirut seems to have more taxi drivers than any other city on earth. I am not sure if its a function of the high unemployment rate in Beirut. Everyone with a spare car seems to have turned it into a taxi. And every driver needs to come with a warning label attached.

Plan A - Duck and Cover
In the meantime, the taxi drivers gathered around me vying for my attention had reached a fever pitch and two had come to blows over who was going to get my attention. I was so stunned, furious and exhausted after 30 hours of travel, that I told them all to go jump, turned on my heel and walked back into the terminal. Some followed me and I told them where to go too. After going to the "Mens" and collecting my thoughts I snuck out another exit and thought about a new plan.

Plan B -Go Official
There was a security booth next to the taxi rank. I marched up to the taxi rank, greeted the soldiers in the booth and asked them in French if they could help locate me a taxi. The soldier nodded and my spirits soared. He stepped out of the booth and in a loud voice shouted "this man needs a taxi". It was like throwing a sacrificial lamb to a flock of starving wolves. Gesturing, yelling taxi drivers dropped everything and ran to me standing there with a massive label over my head: "Dumb Tourist". Some were my original taxi drivers!   I was stumped - This is not a place I often find myself in when travelling.

I retreated a second time for the airport terminal and bought myself lunch in the airport cafe.

Plan C.
I knew that the hotel taxi would have cost $25 so I would find a taxi that would charge me $25. So out I came again. "Riveria Hotel $25, I kept repeating. Some drivers shook their heads: "Non Non $35 minimum". I stood my ground. The crowd of drivers disappeared to stalk other victims.

You are not alone
A small group of Japanese were surrounded. Like me they ran back into the terminal for safety where they hovered vacillating. You could see they were thinking "Return to Japan to face Nuclear fallout would be better than this". A group of Dutch arrived and were also chased back into the terminal. They did march out and entered into fierce bargaining as a group and vanished in a van. In the meantime, streams of people following drivers with pre booked cars passed.
Every now and then a taxi driver would venture up to me; "$35?" "No $25". Interestingly, the row of taxis in front of me didn't move. Lebanese people know better than to catch taxis and the tourists were in a state of terror!

Plan D- Stand Your Ground
"Finally, a driver who had been standing in front of his mercedes taxi near me for some time, said "Okay Riveria $25". I nodded and he grabbed my luggage and headed away from the mercedes.  I said "Hey, this is not your car?". He said "non". and pointed into the distant car park. I marched up, grabbed my bag and said "well then you are not taking me." This started a loud conversation between the drivers in Arabic.  At this point a man came up and said "we are very sorry for the way we have treated you today". He pointed to the Mercedes that I thought I would be riding in and said: "that is my car and I will take you to the Riveria for $25".
I said "this is your Mercedes". He nodded.
I said "and you are a licensed driver". He nodded .
I said: "You know where the riveria is?". He nodded.
"And you will take me for $25"?. He nodded.
"Okay , lets get out of here", I said.

As a driver, he turned out to be a nice guy. I even gave him a tip-let that get back to the other drivers!

Comparing War Wounds
When I got to the hotel,  I compared taxi horror stories with other guests. One guy had paid $40, another $45. One woman had paid $70! One woman had retreated from the drivers and had huddled in the terminal and managed to use her cell phone to call the hotel to send their official car. She felt relieved to have made it. The war may be over in Beirut but for besieged tourists to Lebanon, there is some work that needs to be done. The Egyptians at the Conference I was attending declared that their taxis were better than the Beirut ones - and Egyptian ones have a bad reputation!!

I avoided taxis after that. The taxis didnt avoid tourists. They would regularly stop and call out to peopple they thoght were tourists: "Taxi taxi" or honk their horns for attention or both.This seemed to happen to others, more than it happened to me. We decided to catch a taxi  from a shopping mall to our hotel, a 4km drive. The taxi driver looked at the four of us and with no shame asked for $50. I exclaimed with disgust and walked off. He dropped the fare to $20, then $15, then $14.

Beirut is a fun, fun city- its taxis are apalling. One of the side effects of the war is that any public transport initiatives were set back. There are no buses to the airport. Beirut has no streetcar/tram or metro system. If it was a European city which had not experienced such devastation in its war, I imagine it would have both. In the meantime, tourists and visitors remain victims of the taxi drivers of Beirut.

523am -porch light and two house lights are on -and the front door is open

I had booked a taxi for two minutes later (525am) to ride to Adelaide airport. At the afore mentioned hour of 523, my taxi arrived and tooted his horn. Peeve #1: In a quiet suburban street, when I am clearly ready for the taxi, I find tooting the horn excessive, unnecessary and rude.

Now, confession, I used to be a taxi driver and drove 300 000 kilometres (180 000 miles) in taxis through many Melbourne nights to fund a University degree. I still know a few taxi driver tricks. I also knew how to give good taxi service.

I walked out to the taxi with my bag. The driver popped the boot (trunk) and hopped out. “Good Morning” I said. He didn't say anything. “how are you doing?” I continued. More silence. Peeve #2a Uncommunicative taxi drivers (Peeve #2b Opinionated or racist ones that never shut up-there is a happy medium)

He reached for the boot (trunk) to lift it. Unfortunately he fumbled, and slammed it shut which means he had to go back to the driver's seat to open it.

“Relax" I said "small bag. I will put it on the back seat". He didn't say anything. He just sat down and closed his door.

I hopped around to the front seat (Australian men generally sit up front with the taxi driver).

“You are late” he said pointing to the clock that said 527am. These were his first words to me.
“What two minutes?”. He shrugged. “Its almost the end of my shift. I have to change over.”
“That isn't actually my fault”. I said. “wheres your change over?”. He named a suburb that lay between my origin point and the  airport. “great" I said, "you will do that easily. 15 minutes to the airport, ten minutes back. Changeover 6am?"
“No” he said: “530 Changeover"  I looked at him: “you took a job for 525am knowing you had changeover at 530 which you would never make and you have the gall to tell me off".  Peeve #3

The best taxis I have encountered are in Singapore. Sparkling clean, staffed by friendly drivers, I have never ever had a hassle with them. When you ring for a taxi, they give you the taxi registration number so you know immediately that you have the right cab. They also have a Common Taxi Number (6-DIAL-CAB): "One ring to call them all" which will link you to the first company with empty cabs! You can even book a Singapore taxi by SMS!! The taxis have clever lighted signs on top of them that clearly say they are occupied or free. Unlike many countries which have lights on top of the taxi. In some cities a lit up sign means the cab is free. In others it means it is occupied!

One very late night, I landed in Manchester, New Hampshire, USA, to find no cabs at the taxi rank. To get one, you had to go to a mysterious little room in the middle of the airport and ask them to call a taxi. I did this and went out and waited. Oh joy, a taxi glided into the airport to drop a passenger off.  I approached the taxi. The driver looked at me and drove off. I went back to the mysterious little room to complain and was told that only one taxi company is allowed to pick up at Manchester airport! No other taxi company is allowed to pick passengers up, only drop them off. I hate these exclusive agreements which seem uncompetitive to me but in his case it was ridiculous. For when my taxi finally arrived after a 1 hour 49 minute wait in the cold, I found out the company only had one taxi on duty that night. How is this customer friendly?


 Needless to say on this early morning taxi ride, we sped to the airport, sitting 10-20km/h over the speed limit. Peeve #4.The two most terrifying taxi rides of my life involve speed.

One was in Bangkok, Thailand when the driver tailgated cars on the airport freeway at 140km/h (84mph). I was so terrified that I texted my farewells to family and friends from my seatbeltless seat. I am looking forward to the Bangkok airport train there- when they finally open it.

The other was in Delhi, India where I discovered size matters-the bigger your car and the louder your horn, the greater the likelihood was of being given priority. We flew down the wrong side of the road, zipping back onto the correct side seconds before other cars plowed into us. Often we would end up on the "correct" side of the road to find a car overtaking from the other side. I recently learnt that "India overtook China to top the world in road fatalities in 2006 and has continued to pull steadily ahead, despite a heavily agrarian population, fewer people than China and far fewer cars than many Western countries" (Times of India).  118 000 people died on Indian roads in 2008- 14 people every hour. Having learnt that, I now take the train, bus and subway everywhere in India! Seriously.


 Well, my customer unfriendly driver reached Adelaide airport at 540am and asked for his fare. I handed him my Credit Card which he processed. As I got out of the taxi, I asked for my card back. "I gave it to you" As politely as I could I said: "No I don't seem to have it".  He said: "well you have got it". "Are you sure?", I said, "?" He looked down at the machine: "oh here it is". Peeve # 5 . Needless to say he got no tip (NB its not a requirement to tip in Australia...tips are generally only given for good service ).  I must admit I only said "goodbye". not "thank you".

In a poll compiled by Hotels.com, London taxis were considered the best (and most expensive) in the world, New York and Parisian taxi drivers the rudest. My peeve with the survey is that it was only conducted with travellers from the UK, Ireland, France, Spain, Germany, Norway, Sweden and Denmark. Hardly a global sample.

My  Seven Point Manifesto for good taxis:

1. Pay the drivers decently (I would give taxis exemptions for all fuel and road taxes)
2. Train the drivers well (London, England does this)
3. Expect drivers to be friendly (Brisbane, Hobart and Perth Australia, this is always the case) 
4.  Focus on customer service (Singapore)
5. Ensure clean cars (Most of Switzerland)
6. Ensure there is good availability (New York City) 
7. Allow payment by Cash and Credit Card with no outrageous fees (Singapore) 

Any transport regulator that can achieve this, gets my vote

Whats your taxi story?
(check out my blogs on the Best airlines and Worst airlines I have flown).